Pause Before Reacting

Our first reaction isn’t always the best one. Giving yourself even a few seconds to pause can help you avoid saying or doing something you might regret.

How to Do It: Take a deep breath or count to five. This helps your mind settle and gives you a moment to think about the best response.

Check Your Emotions

Emotions are powerful, and when they’re high, they can make situations worse. Recognizing how you feel helps you stay in control.

How to Do It: Ask yourself, “Am I feeling angry, embarrassed, or hurt?” Naming the emotion can help you separate the feeling from your reaction, making it easier to handle the situation calmly.

Think About the Goal of Your Response

Whether it’s a friend, parent, or teacher, think about what you want to achieve with your response. Do you want to solve a problem, explain your side, or simply share how you feel?

How to Do It: Ask yourself, “What’s the best way to get my point across without making things worse?” Keeping the goal in mind will help you stay focused and respectful.

Also, ever hear about the "WAIT" analogy? It’s honestly one of my favorites that was introduced to me recently and it stands for "Why Am I Talking?" It’s a helpful tool to encourage thoughtful communication and ensure that our words are purposeful and relevant. The idea is to pause and consider whether what we’re about to say adds value to the conversation. By asking ourselves "Why Am I Talking?" we can avoid unnecessary comments, stay focused, and communicate more effectively, especially in emotionally charged or high-stakes situations.

Use “I” Statements

Instead of blaming the other person, using “I” statements keeps the focus on how you feel and what you need, making it less likely to start an argument.

How to Do It: Instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” try, “I feel hurt when I don’t feel heard.” This approach reduces defensiveness and makes the other person more likely to listen.

Choose Your Words Wisely

Words are powerful, and once they’re out there, you can’t take them back. By choosing your words carefully, you can get your message across without causing hurt.

How to Do It: Avoid harsh or absolute words like “always” or “never.” If you’re unsure, imagine how you’d feel hearing your words said to you.

Practice Active Listening

Responding well isn’t just about what you say but also how well you listen. Good listening can make the other person feel heard and respected.

How to Do It: Put away distractions, make eye contact, and give your full attention. After they finish, consider repeating back a summary of what they said to show you understand.

Stay Open to Feedback

Sometimes we don’t have all the answers, and being open to feedback can help us grow. It also shows maturity and willingness to improve.

How to Do It: If someone gives you feedback, even if it’s hard to hear, try to listen without interrupting. Later, reflect on it and see if there’s something valuable you can take from it.

Practice Makes Perfect!

Managing your response isn’t always easy, but it’s a skill that gets better with practice. Start using these tips in small situations and work your way up. The more you practice, the better you’ll get at staying cool and clear, even when things get heated.